안녕~ hey guys, this post is just gonna purely about my own thoughts and thinking about my life. Warning  beforehand, if you guys didn't like to read about all those long, naggy and irritating post, is best to actually jump to another website like NOW!!! *just kidding ^^* anyway don't expect those awesome English in this post so just my thoughts that i wanna convey actually.



Recently, for the past few days (or even weeks), i have lots and lots of thoughts that actually is running around in my head. regardless, of work, studies, friends, relationship etc. is like being more frequent ...well should i say that is like kinda putting me lots of stress? well, people might say that is just me giving myself these amount of irrelevant stress to handle, or i am just being oversensitive or whatsoever BUT HEY! DON'T TELL ME YOU GUYS DIDN'T THINK OF ALL THESE THINGS BEFORE???!!



some might said that having all these irrelevant questions on in my head is a bit too young for a 22 year old to handle. but which i highly doubt so as i think that i am not young anymore and i think it is the time to actually plan your future well. i mean like you should start wondering how you gonna live you life already right? -.-

Work~

My closer friends might know that i am actually working on a full time basis after obtaining my diploma. at first i didn't manage to get into university first is because well my results aren't that good anyways, and i think being in the workforce early might actually help and of course money right??! i must admit that i hardly have any savings currently as i am like literally supporting myself in regards of expenses, transportation and even bills.

i must say this, i really do love the working environment here, my lovely colleagues and of course my job title itself and the roles are not those routines ones compared to the others. should i say that actually almost every single day, there are different challenges and i do enjoy working with my department. however after being in this same stuff for nearly 2 years, i had finally decided to head back to a student life and had applied for university. this decision i have been thinking about it for days and nights and i guess one of the main reason is that i might be tired of my working life. i bet many of us are not that kind of systematic and routine person and we always try to have different challenges in our life and we wont be staying at a single place for such a long time.

so there are about 2 months plus of my working life is coming to an end and i guess i might really miss everything here.

Studies~

OK so i mentioned that i am going back to my student life by applying for university, and yes all the application went well and now i only need to wait till the results whether i am being accepted by the school or not. I really super excited going back to school! the results will be out on early June and it will start roughly around 2nd week of July~ seriously cant wait as i think study life suit me more for now.

so i decided to take up a RMIT Bachelor of Business marketing. With the diploma that i obtained, i manage so get exempted from some modules, well i didn't know how long will i be studying though but i am quite lucky that i might get exempted saving around 1 semester or more.

Ok lets go to something more personal now~

Relationship~

ok lets be frank to each other, for all the singles out there who doesn't want a perfect relationship in their life that last forever????! i mean like seriously! so this topic has been going round and round in my head like forever...i mean the full stop of my previous one is like nearly 4 years back? well i must say that that is my first one and till this day i keep asking myself why on earth i will like someone like him. i don't hate him, i just you know cant stand it O.O too innocent i know -.- ever since, i am really afraid to actually to come in contact with this thing call love. i mean it can bring you all the joy, and happiness but at the same time it can also bring you great sadness and broken hearts, something that just cant be tame with.

i see lots of friends around me are all attached and frankly speaking, i really do envy them, especially both my childhood friends. one of them are being together for nearly 7 years and still going strong and another couple they have bought one unit in the flats and planning to get married soon. i mean like wow i am also the same age as them but right now i am just...alone.




both of them have been asking me, especially the one i know her for 18 years, and she also feel so frustrated that why cant i have a proper nice boyfriend able to treat me well as she say if she was a guy she will just married me for sure. *i know sounds cliche but she had mentioned it like for years and lots of time now -.-*  so every single time i will be like "is ok..." and laugh it off as i don't think it is really important anyway till i finally got into an relationship and after that is over, both of them were so furious that they nearly go kill that guy -.- i mean like well is ok because i knew it all along that he just don't like me in a way and i don't even know why i wanna get into a relationship with him anyway and i cried alot that i even fall ill for a long time if i am correct. *knocking my own head -.-*

ever since then, this thing call love, well i don't even dare to touch it anymore. afraid that i will get injure again, and i even told myself that no one will ever like me i mean like look at me! i am not even pretty, i am fat and i don't have awesome inner characters like others so who would bother to even lay their eyes on me right? so even there is , i will just simple ignore it. and always for these few year i am like just secretly liking someone else without them knowing and just will care for them will do. and sometimes because of my low self esteem, i tend to actually avoid them. someone has someone else in their mind, some just i guess i am not worth it for them...

but every girls really do hope that they will be able to find that Mr right, i mean like for me i wanna get married before 30 which is like impossible for me. -.- just a dream thought, i bet i will never get married this life. sadly but true... so lots of thoughts have been going through my mind like crazy especially and i have even talked with few of my friends recently at Starbucks. well mixture of guys and girls and different point of views. is like different choices that i made will bring different consequences.i even told them that maybe after 30 i wont even get married already. well i am just not myself these few days i guess. we even further asking each other the stuff that we look at in guys and different scenarios that we gave as examples. i think the guys are quite shocked that my ideal guy criteria is so simple. i mean like will dream guy means that those perfect guys but you cant have them for example....yunho oppa O.O and just 3 simple thing that actually makes me think the guy is actually not bad is just.... trust, security and happiness. i mean these are the 3 main factor actually that keeps a relationship going. apart from the looks and etc these 3 are more important to me. well i don't wish my future boyfriend (highly doubt that i have one O.O) look like a kpop idol right?


anyways...being emotional also doesn't help anything as i guess the only thing i can do right now is to just let nature takes its course. i mean just let the day pass maybe one day i will find the answers to my questions. but in the meantime, maybe i guess i will be thinking over and over again and again.

Future...

i don't know what i can see myself doing in the future...my dream is to actually open up a theme cafe with lomography and the things i love along with my sister.... or i may just went overseas to do something that i like. or i might already get married have a happy family which i highly doubt that this is gonna happen to me.
*FOREVER ALONE* well i just hope that whatever i do in the future is all about my interest and stuff and may my life be simple yet happy will do. currently maybe i should put my focus on something else that is more important and ignore all these thoughts i guess...

i bet this a long post...to those who manage to read it all...*thumbs up!* hopefully i will feel better soon~ actually i have lots of things to talk about but then i only seems to manage to put these few main thoughts into words.
ok forget about all the emotional stuff and well at least i update my post right?! ^^ gonna end here and till the next time ^^



simple.serenity.of.dreams~serenityting

Labels: 2013, april, future, gif, life, lifestyle, personal, random, thoughts